Be Loved: Be Whole (The Feast Bay Area Part 2)

I attended my very first Feast last July 17, 2016 and the topic at that time is Be Loved: Be Whole. The talked was done by Bo Sanchez, his talked revolved around a verse, the thought of it is, Jesus Christ is like a treasure in a field that was known because you tripped along the way and when you see the treausre you throw away everything and bought that field.

When we read verse without comprehension and understanding it only mean simple things that is irrelevant in our life but if you connect it to our everyday life you see how amazing that verse is. Bo share his time when he accepted Jesus at the age of 12 and all thing that happen to him when he throw away everything to be with Jesus.

I too already accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour when  I was already 19, almost too late for realization but better be late than sorry. At that time I am emotionally unstable, I felt all alone when I have my family and friends. Like nobody is listening to me because they didn’t simply care. I have too many burden at that time in family, study and some issues in everything that I decide to just run away from home, stop studying and rebel against everyone. I cried almost every night asking myself why this, why that.

At that time, my parents is busy and too focus with their one year old grandchild, that me as their youngest child they almost forgot. Before I have my niece, I have their attention, care and love, they listen to what I have to say my problems at school, my dilemmas and troubles but it changes when my niece arrives, I feel like she grabs everything from me. I became bitter to any one, I stop talking about my problems to them until I stop talking nonetheless, I stop coming to dinner, I go home late at night, I begin to think to move to an apartment just to not see them and I started giving them hints that I might die or something like that. Even my friends is not helping my parents when they asked them what was happening because I also stop talking to them, I laugh and smile that’s given but I didn’t give them a hint that there was something wrong.

This continued until, I get myself sick, I was dignosed with an anemia (not life threatening), too much stress, not enough sleep and food intake. Amidst all of these, they never asked me what happened, the reason, I was only waiting for the question for me to confide but it didn’t happen. I just bottled it up inside of me, I cry everynight just to ease the pain, I laught too hard just to stop my mind by asking myself the whys. It continued until my grades to one of my accounting subject dropped and I might be removed in the program if I didn’t pass the remedial exam. I was thinking at that time to just give up, what’s with trying too hard when everything else crumpled. But I took the remedial exam even though I was already prepared to fail at that time.

My parents has no idea that I almost flunk my subject and be removed as an accounting student, they also didn’t know the remedials, the cries we did to our accounting professor just to pass us. No. None. I said to myself why did they have to know, they didn’t care anyway. My friends pass that particular subject and moving to the next semester but me, I am stucked, that’s why I felt more alone than before.

Until one of my high school friends gived me a table figurine with a bible verse for my upcoming birthday, the verse is Jeremiah 29:11, it became my life verse since then. Then I realized that all this time I am not alone. November 27, 2013, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour and the Father as my God, I cried during my personal acceptance. When I accepted Him, I also accepted the fact that I am not the sole receiver of my parents affection that I must share them with my niece and future nieces and nephews and I accepted my fate if I will be removed from the program it is by God’s plan in me. I throw away everything that day, my anxiety, my troubles, my happiness and especially my life to My Father and My Saviour. I make Them my everything in my world full of nothingness. When I do that, everything changes.

I passed my remedial exam, I can still continue with the progrm along with my friends. I got a time to talked with my parents, tell them what transpired my behaviour the last few months, also I updated them what happens in school, at first they were bewildered that such things happened but they just listen and that’s what I want. Now, everything was fine, never perfect but we talked things, we solved things as a family, we do fight a lot, we share cry, smiles and laughs – it was not a perfect family because it will be booooring but it is what we all needed the normalcy of everything. Also, I passed my board exam, I do have a title now and a work in one of the known company in the country.

I still have a long way to go in terms of many aspects of life but I know that I already found the treasure everyone is looking for, and I put that treasure in everything. I am once been broken and alone, tripped and afraid to stand again, not felt the loved those around me have for me but in those time when I felt it all at once, I found the very source of everything and He made me whole, He helped me in my fights and He loved me from my very core. When everything didn’t matter anymore in this world when I am a nobody, He became my guide, my support, my companion, my friend, my lover and eventually He became my God. I am loved and I am whole, so everyone of you, always remember “You are Loved”.

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